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Choosing a Family



In today's era of adoptions, an expectant mom can make an adoption plan and actually choose the ones you want to parent your child.


Before you begin that process, you should think about what kind of family you would like your child to have. You may want to look for families that have similar qualities to your own family. You might also look for families that have qualities that your family lacked and have often wished for while growing up, depending on whether or not you had a happy childhood.


If you are working with an adoption agency, it's typical that they will give you some profiles of hopeful parents to browse. These profiles usually include a letter from the prospective adoptive parents to you, photos, and general information about them that will give you a glimpse of who they are. When you are ready, you will have the capability to contact them either directly or through your agency, and ultimately arrange a time to meet them in person.

A few things to decide before you begin searching for a family to raise your baby:

  • How open I want my adoption plan to be? To have a successful adoption plan, you need to choose a family that has the same or similar vision of an adoption plan. Decide what type and amount of contact you would like and then look for families that have similar desires.

  • Do I want a two parent family or is that important ? For some moms, not being able to provide a stable father is one of the main reasons for placing their baby with an adoptive family. But for others, a single parent placement may be suitable if the parent can completely provide for the child. Please keep in mind that adoptive families are not immune to divorce. Just because you choose a two parent family does not mean that it will always be a two parent family.

  • Do I want my baby have a stay at home parent?  For some moms choosing adoption, this may be very important to them as it is something they cannot give their children. For others, a stay at home parent is not quite as important. Some birthmoms may have longed for a stay at home mom growing up and may want their child to have a stay at home mom. Again, keep in mind that things change and the mom may eventually need or choose to go back to work.


  • Do I want my baby to be an only child or do I want him or her to have siblings? An adoptive family could have plans to adopt another child after yours and then for a myriad of reasons it might not happen. They might be planning to have just one child and then circumstances could change. But there are some birthmoms who want to place their child with a family who does not have any children yet, maybe because they were the first and they want their child to be the first too. Yet to other birthmoms this might not be as important. A birthmom who had older brothers or sisters or wished for them may want her child placed with a family that already has children.

  • Religion.  For some birthmoms religion is very important. If you were raised a devout Catholic, it might be important to you that your baby be raised by a family that is also Catholic. Or, maybe you are a Baptist. That might be important to you.

  • You may want your child to grow up with the same customs and traditions that you had as a child. To others a loving environment is more important, and religion does not become an issue.


  • Is location an issue?  If you are hoping for a fairly open adoption, then you may wish to choose a family locally. Other birth moms think having their child so close would be harder so they opt to choose a family that is a little further away. Keep in mind that circumstances can change and people can move.

  • Are the races of the prospective adoptive couple important to you? Some expectant moms who are giving birth to biracial babies will choose a couple with at least one member sharing the child's ethnic background so the child can learn ethnic traditions and history that might not otherwise be taught.

  • Meet with more than one family, even if it is just for comparison. Some agencies may feel differently about you wanting to meet with more than one family, but it is your right to meet with as many families as you need or want. Even if you know one family is the right choice, we strongly suggest meeting with another family to compare.

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Catelynn And Tyler from 16 & Pregnant

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